Be My Birthday Dinner Date

Judgey McJudgersons

2008-07-30T18:24:00.000-07:00

Birthday Dinner Countdown:

5 days

First, thank you to all who have applied. Some of you are rather cute, and the rest of you have great personalities. Just remember, it's not about who wins or loses, because let's be honest, I'll probably wind up dating most of you at some point anyway.

Moving on, a few nights ago, my friend Eric and I convened to drink and review the applicants... shenanigans were filmed for your (dis)pleasure below. I was only a handful of applicants in at this point, so if i don't mention your app, just be glad you were not the target of our poorly-aimed jokes, although mostly all we do is talk shit and get distracted.

judging you from erica b on Vimeo.

So Far

2008-07-25T13:03:00.000-07:00

Birthday Dinner Countdown:

10 days

Marketing. Marketing is fucking key. I've announced my quest on Facebook, have an ad pending on the Merc, and yesterday I used the printer at Harlan's place of business to make little slips of paper with the site address to pass out to cute boys on the street.

In fact, I was in a Rite Aid downtown buying snacks to smuggle into The Dark Knight and a long-haired blonde guy went, "You look very hip, ma'am." Just like that. You look very hip ma'am.

I gave him a slip. Hi long-haired blonde guy, if you're reading!

Also, don't fret about the "phishing" warning that some of you are getting. Firefox flips its shit about my form, but I promise I will not give your email address to anyone trying to sell you boner pills. I mean, unless you're the winner and you suck at being my dinner date and ruin my birthday. In that scenario, I'll sell you up the river faster than you can say, "Hiphopapotamus."

But if the phsishing thing really worries you, just email your application here, and don't forget your photo!

The Application

2008-07-24T21:15:00.000-07:00

Good luck, boys.

Full name (so I can Facebook-stalk you):

Age:

Email address:

Occupation:

'Hood in Portland:

Favorite color (it matters):

Top three bands:

Manliest hobby:

Girliest hobby:

Skill level in Guitar Hero:

Favorite park in Portland:

A joke, any joke:

Questions involving a "desert island": useful or stupid?

Last book read:

Song stuck in your head:

Never have you ever...

Current ringtone:

Smoker?

Beer, wine or liquor?

Allergies:

Actor who'd play you in the Movie Of Your Life:

You're on a desert island: unlimited food or unlimited porn?

Um, single?

Attach a current photo here (mandatory, I want cute babies.)

Eponymous

2008-07-24T12:18:00.000-07:00

Hi. I'm Erica. I am single, and I live in Portland, Oregon. I'm looking at my 25th birthday in less than two weeks. The idea of hitting the "quarter-century" mark doesn't bother me, but it'll be the first birthday that I haven't had a boyfriend since I was like... 14. And I suppose it's not that big a deal; I'm fairly independent. But I'm planning a birthday dinner, and since I am only inviting close friends, and am relatively new to Portland, the guest list looks like this:

Current roommate, Kait, and her boyfriend, Cameron
Former roommate Harlan, and his girlfriend, Amy

I'm going to be the goddamned fifth wheel at my own birthday dinner. So internet, let's solve this problem together. I need a date. Here are some reasons why you, future date, should apply:

I am pretty ----->
I am funny.
I am pretty ----->
I have a college degree.
I am pretty ----->
I might put out (buy me drinks and call them "birthday presents")

Likes: indie music, novels, sleeping in the sun, colorful things, corny jokes, the buddy system, unrelenting optimism, flip flops, nice red wine, disagreement coupled with articulate argument, ice cream, ironic tee shirts, a clean shave, remembering where I put things down, and puppies. Puppies are awesome.

Still reading? Great! Now, future date, you are:

Between 23 and 33
Straight (y'know, mostly)
Live in the Portland metro area (but not Gresham, because I am snobby)
Available for dinner on the evening of Monday, August 4
Not a crazy alcoholic (that's my job)
Sarcastic, or receptive to sarcasm
Talkative and at-ease in social situations
Educated, or at least well-read; smarter than me would be ideal
Spiritual, not religious
More liberal than not (that's a polite way of saying "no Republicans")
Attractive (there's an inversely-proportional relationship between level of attractiveness and how many "birthday presents" it'll take for me to make out with you)

There are no restrictions on race or ethnicity, however extra points will be awarded for curly hair and smelling especially nice.

Please circulate this blog to all your attractive, male, Portland-based friends and colleagues.

Application will be going live within 24 hours. Thanks, internet!