Eponymous

Hi. I'm Erica. I am single, and I live in Portland, Oregon. I'm looking at my 25th birthday in less than two weeks. The idea of hitting the "quarter-century" mark doesn't bother me, but it'll be the first birthday that I haven't had a boyfriend since I was like... 14. And I suppose it's not that big a deal; I'm fairly independent. But I'm planning a birthday dinner, and since I am only inviting close friends, and am relatively new to Portland, the guest list looks like this:

• Current roommate, Kait, and her boyfriend, Cameron
• Former roommate Harlan, and his girlfriend, Amy

I'm going to be the goddamned fifth wheel at my own birthday dinner. So internet, let's solve this problem together. I need a date. Here are some reasons why you, future date, should apply:

• I am pretty ----->
• I am funny.
• I am pretty ----->
• I have a college degree.
• I am pretty ----->
• I might put out (buy me drinks and call them "birthday presents")

Likes: indie music, novels, sleeping in the sun, colorful things, corny jokes, the buddy system, unrelenting optimism, flip flops, nice red wine, disagreement coupled with articulate argument, ice cream, ironic tee shirts, a clean shave, remembering where I put things down, and puppies. Puppies are awesome.

Still reading? Great! Now, future date, you are:

• Between 23 and 33
• Straight (y'know, mostly)
  
• Live in the Portland metro area (but not Gresham, because I am snobby)
• Available for dinner on the evening of Monday, August 4
• Not a crazy alcoholic (that's my job)
• Sarcastic, or receptive to sarcasm
• Talkative and at-ease in social situations
• Educated, or at least well-read; smarter than me would be ideal
  
• Spiritual, not religious
• More liberal than not (that's a polite way of saying "no Republicans")
• Attractive (there's an inversely-proportional relationship between level of attractiveness and how many "birthday presents" it'll take for me to make out with you)
  

There are no restrictions on race or ethnicity, however extra points will be awarded for curly hair and smelling especially nice.

Please circulate this blog to all your attractive, male, Portland-based friends and colleagues.

Application will be going live within 24 hours. Thanks, internet!